How to Support a Loved One with Negative Body Image or Body Dysmorphia

As a parent, family member, friend, or partner of someone with negative body image or body dysmorphia, it can be difficult to see your loved one struggle. Many people ask the same questions:

• How can I support them?

• How can I get them to see a therapist?

• How can I make them feel better?

While every person struggling with body dysmorphia and negative body image is different and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to this, there are a few things you can do to support them.

Don’t focus on your loved one’s appearance. Making comments about their appearance, whether they’re positive or negative, increases the focus on your loved one’s body. Instead, try to express how much you value how they show up for you, their personal qualities, their professional or academic skills, and anything that isn’t related to their appearance. This shifts the focus of their value from their appearance to who they are as a person and how they show up in the world.

Be mindful of the words you use. Words have power, and being mindful of how you talk about your own body and eating habits, and the bodies and eating habits of others can be a great way to support your loved one. Be mindful not to use talk that centers diet culture or that is rooted in body shaming. For example, don’t shame people for being fat or eating certain foods. Don’t engage in negative self-talk.

You can also see this is an opportunity to model how they can think and talk about their bodies in a more positive way. For example, engage in self-care, talk positively about your own body, and eat without making comments about “good foods” and “bad foods.”

Talk about the underlying emotion. When your loved one tells you that they are unhappy with their appearance, many people will often respond with a variation of “but you’re beautiful!” While it’s normal to try and reassure your loved one, this response isn’t always helpful. Instead, try to focus on the emotion that underlies the statement. When your loved one says “I look horrible and can’t find an outfit that makes me look good for this job interview!”, you can respond with a question like: “it seems like you’re nervous about doing well at this interview. Do you want to talk about that?”

Ask how you can support them. When you see your loved one struggling with their body image, it’s normal to want to help. But it’s important to help in a way that feels supportive to your loved one. Printing off a list of therapists who can help them or constantly reassuring them that you believe they are beautiful might not be helpful to everyone. Instead, start a conversation at a time when you’re both calm. Tell your loved one that you love them and have noticed that they’re struggling. That you want to be here for them and help, but only if they want you to. Ask them if they are open to receiving your support and if so, what can you do?

Encourage them to seek support, but don’t push therapy if they aren’t ready for it. While therapy can be beneficial for those who are experiencing body dysmorphia and negative body image, it’s important that people engage in therapy out of their free will. The outcome of therapy is more likely to be positive when the person going to therapy is doing so out of their free will and is motivated to do so. In addition, it can be scary and overwhelming to consider going to therapy. Some people just aren’t ready to discuss certain things, and it’s important to respect this.

When you’re supporting your loved one, you should encourage them to seek help if you believe that they are struggling and need professional support. Discuss how professional help can help them through this difficult time and which resources are available. But forcing your loved one to seek therapy or making appointments for them is often not beneficial. It may take time for your loved one to be ready to engage in therapy, but the outcomes will likely be better if they start therapy when they feel ready and motivated.

Looking for More Support?

I work with adults to help them recover from diet culture, improve their body image, and reduce shame and restriction in their lives. My work is rooted in empathy and compassion, and the pace is set entirely by my clients.

If it sounds like we’d be a good match, you can book a free 15-minute call or book a session with me.

Please don’t hesitate to reach out via yasmine@outofthewoodscounselling.net if you have any questions.