There is a common belief that therapy is only for “serious” mental health concerns like eating disorders, body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), or clinical depression and anxiety.

But that isn’t true.

You don’t need to have a diagnosis to get help. Your mental health doesn’t need to reach an invisible level of suffering to receive support. If your relationship with your body is taking up too much space in your life, then you deserve support.

What is negative body image?

Body image is how you see your body, how you feel about it, and the beliefs you have about your body.

Positive body image is when you’re able to see your body how it truly is and respect it with all its imperfections. You appreciate your body’s functions and abilities, but you also know that your body is not the most important thing about you. You’re generally comfortable in your body and can show compassion for its imperfections. You still have days where you don’t feel great about yourself, but you know that they’ll pass and don’t define you.

Negative body image is when you’re unhappy with your body and see it as flawed, too much, or less than. You fixate on its imperfections and you compare yourself to others. You might feel ashamed of your body. You find it difficult to say positive things about the way that you look. And all of this takes its toll on your mental health, your relationships, and your confidence. You might find yourself avoiding situations where you feel uncomfortable or where you’re confronted with your own body, such as doctor’s appointments, clothes shopping, or meeting up with friends.

What shapes your body image?

Body image is complex and is influenced by many factors, such as:

• Media. When social media, films, tv shows, and books only represent thin people as good, attractive, and interesting, and only show fat people as dumb, unattractive, and silly, it’s only normal to believe that being thin is the ideal.

• Diet culture. Dieting is promoted and normalised in our society. When we’re constantly being blasted with news about weight loss drugs, the newest diet, and videos like “how I lost 20kgs after giving birth”, it’s difficult to believe that we shouldn’t be losing weight. Everyone is doing it, right?

• Family. Negative body image can start from a young age, and family can have a significant impact on the way we view ourselves. Maybe your parents often made comments about your weight and put you on a diet at a young age. These things can shape the way you see your body.

• Social circle. The people close to us can have an impact on how we view the world and what’s normal. If your friends gush about the weight they’ve lost or if your coworkers talk about their strict diets during lunch, you might find that those conversations shape how you view your body.

• Bullying and teasing. Whether it happened at a young age or as an adult, bullying can have a significant impact on body image. It may cause you to feel ashamed for your appearance and hesitant to form new relationships with people.

• Illness and medical history. If you have experienced frequent, chronic, or serious illnesses, then you might have been made to believe that your body is “bad,” “unhealthy,” “defective.” You might have been told that more able-bodied bodies are “good” and “healthy.”

• How the brain works. Certain personality traits and ways of thinking may make you more predisposed to negative body image. For example, if you are perfectionist or tend to speak negatively to yourself, you might be more unhappy with how you look. If you’re a black-and-white thinker, you might be more prone to seeing your body as “bad” and other bodies as “good.”

When it starts to affect your mental health

If you are unhappy with your body and see it as bad, defective, unhealthy, or too much, then this can bleed into other parts of your life. It’s not uncommon for people with body image difficulties to also experience:

• Depression caused by the negative feelings towards their bodies

• Anxiety caused by food, eating, buying clothes, being out in public, meeting new people, exercising, etc.

• Low self-esteem, which can show up in friendships, romantic relationships, in the workplace, or as a parent

• Social isolation, for example withdrawing from friends and family out of fear for being judged for your appearance, weight, or body shape

• Avoiding certain places, people, and situations

• For those living in fat bodies, there might be the additional stress that comes with living in a big body: medical discrimination and not being taken seriously by medical professionals, being told you have to lose weight, feeling like you have to explain why you’re fat, not having clothes available in your size, not feeling comfortable eating in public, being stared at, etc.

How I can support you

If you’re dealing with negative body image or any mental health concerns relating to your body, weight, size, or appearance, I’m here to support you. I’ve been there too, and I know what it’s like when your relationship with your body takes up a lot of space in your life.

In our work together, we might explore any of the following:

• Determining any negative beliefs you hold about yourself and your body (“I’m a failure because I look like this”, “I’m not attractive”) and how they can be challenged with more neutral and compassionate beliefs (“it’s okay that my body looks like this,” “I don’t have to be attractive,” and “I deserve to be loved and respected no matter my body shape, size, or appearance”)

• Increasing your self-compassion

• Challenging beliefs of diet culture, fatphobia, and understanding the vicious cycle of dieting and negative body image

• Exploring events or relationships that affected your negative body image, understanding how these contributed to the way you’re feeling, and healing those old wounds with self-compassion and empathy

• Determining the values that guide your life and your perception of yourself. For example, if you want to be guided by empathy, are you honouring that empathy by engaging in negative self-talk?

• Exploring your identity outside of your relationship with your body

• Learning new coping skills and emotional regulation strategies that can help you to manage anxiety, depression, social withdrawal, and avoidance in your day-to-day life