Body positivity isn’t the perfect solution
You’ve seen the posts on social media and in advertisements for skincare products and activewear:
Love your body just the way it is!
Every body is beautiful!
The most beautiful thing you can wear is confidence!
Body positivity has a noble cause: to challenge the current beauty standard, to celebrate diversity, and to make people realise that all bodies are worthy of love, respect, and celebration.
But for many people, body positivity isn’t the answer to the difficult relationship they have with their bodies. There are many reasons for this.
Some people consider body positivity a type of toxic positivity. It focuses heavily on being grateful, proud, confident, and happy. Toxic positivity happens when a permanently positive mindset is forced and there’s no space to acknowledge negative feelings. But it’s unrealistic to always feel happy with your body: there will be days when you’re unhappy with the way you look or when you’re frustrated with your body’s limitations. Always having to be happy and thankful for your body without acknowledging your negative emotions can lead to suppressed emotions, which can negatively impact your relationship with your body and your mental health.
Body positivity can make people believe that they have to feel a certain way and they might feel like they’re failing if they don’t. Body positivity often proclaims things like ‘all bodies are beautiful!’, but what if you don’t feel like your body is beautiful today? What if today, you’re not grateful for the body you’re in? This can make people feel like they’re not doing things the right way. Or it can make people bury their true feelings.
Body positivity often focuses on celebrating women who are white, able, and ‘aesthetically curvy.’ It’s not always the most inclusive movement. People who are fat (not just curvy), disabled, not white, and not cis women are often ignored in the campaigns for body positivity.
So what’s the alternative?
If you’re looking for an alternative to body positivity, then body neutrality might be a more sustainable option for you.
Body neutrality is based on the idea that your body is simply a vessel for you to live your life and that your looks, weight, shape, and size don’t really matter all that much.
It changes the conversation from always being positive, happy, grateful, and confident to feeling neutral about your body. It doesn’t require you to feel a certain way about your body, and it doesn’t focus on appearance. It accepts that our feelings about our bodies can change from day to day. It also invites us to dig deeper into our feelings towards our body.
When you’re learning to practice body neutrality, you could try to:
Be mindful and aware of the things your body allows you to do: walk your dog, hug a friend, hold your child, go for a swim.
Reduce behaviours of body-checking and allow yourself to just exist: trying not to look into every mirror, window, or reflective surface, being mindful about comparing yourself to others, checking your weight regularly.
Paying more attention to how your body feels than to how it looks: maybe your hair needs a wash, but you also feel very rested. Or maybe you gained a few kilograms, but you feel mentally more free around food and exercise than you ever have.
Need more personalised support?
I’m a body image counsellor and therapist who specialises in supporting people who live in bigger bodies and people who are experiencing body image issues, body dysmorphia, and disordered eating. If you’re looking for more personalised support, you can book a free 15-minute phone consultation with me to see if we’re a good fit. Book your appointment now via www.outofthewoodscounselling.net or contact me via yasmine@outofthewoodscounselling.net I’d love to hear from you.
